


and i'm gonna be fine (maybe not tonight)

by SiderumInCaelo



Series: (your heart is) the only place that i call home [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Bed-Wetting, Credence Barebone Gets a Hug, Credence Barebone Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 23:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13727844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: After a rough day, Credence and Newt share a bed.Part of a series, but probably works as a standalone.





	and i'm gonna be fine (maybe not tonight)

**Author's Note:**

> It's been - checks calendar - over ten months, but I finally wrote a sequel of sorts to "to hold in the night," and I think this one's even more self-indulgent, if that's possible.
> 
> Title is from the song "Delilah" by Florence + the Machine.

“It’s rather late for you to be up, isn’t it?” Newt asks, looking up from the manuscript he’s editing.

Credence just shrugs in response. It’s true – of the two of them, Credence tends to go to bed much earlier. Newt’s accustomed to being up at all hours to look after the animals, while Credence is still used to the early bedtime that was enforced by Mary Lou. And he is tired, enough that it’s an effort not to nod off then and there. But going to bed would be being alone, and Credence just _can’t_. Not after today.

They’d tracked down a smuggling operation dealing in exotic animals – mostly magical, but a few normal ones as well. The plan had been to break in when the place was deserted, get all the animals into the suitcase, and leave before anyone got back. But the smugglers had returned far, far earlier than they had expected, and during their attempted escape Credence had been taken hostage. Newt had rescued him, of course, and gotten them both out of there (with some minor assistance from the Swooping Evil), and the smugglers hadn’t even really _done_ anything to Credence – they’d just tied him up and locked him in a room, then left to try to recover their merchandise.

But he had been trapped and alone, not knowing when or even if he’d get out, and even now that they’re both safe, Credence can’t quite shake his panic. He’s kept it in check by staying close to Newt, because the thought of being alone again, even if he knows everything is fine and Newt is nearby, is too much for him.

He knows he hasn’t been subtle, that there is no subtle way to stay that close to someone for several hours, so he’s not surprised that Newt picked up on what he was doing. He _is_ surprised that Newt addresses the issue by asking, “Would you like me to stay with you tonight?”

It is, in fact, exactly what Credence wants. But the reason he hadn’t asked in the first place (well, one of the reasons, Credence knows his unwillingness to ask for help extends far beyond this instance) is the same reason he can’t just accept.

They hadn’t talked about his problem (and why does he resort to euphemisms, even inside his own head?) since the morning after his first night in the suitcase, when Newt found out. Newt had offered to teach him how to clean things with magic, though he warned Credence it might take awhile to learn, since he was unused to consciously using magic. And indeed, he hadn’t had any success with the spare wand Newt kept around. But then Newt suggested, rather off-hand, that he might as well try doing it wandlessly, and to the surprise of both of them it worked.

With that taken care of, there had been no need to discuss it further, as far as Credence was concerned.  A few times Newt had asked how he slept, clearly intending to give Credence an opportunity to talk, but hadn’t pushed when Credence said “fine” and left it at that.

It’s not like it was untrue. He’s getting more sleep now that he can clean everything up with a flick of his wrist rather than spending hours doing laundry, and he doesn’t even have to worry about being punished for it anymore.

If sometimes when he wakes up, shaking and wet, from yet another nightmare he finds himself wishing Newt was there to hold him and reassure him, well. He’s used to wanting things he can’t have.

And now Newt is casually offering just that, like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

“I…” Credence starts, forcing himself to speak. “What if I…” he trails off; if he can’t even think the words in his head he certainly can’t say them out loud.

But he doesn’t need to. “What if you wet the bed?” Newt finishes for him, and is even tactful enough to ignore how Credence blushes at the words. “It wouldn’t bother me, really. Spend enough time working with animals and bodily fluids stop fazing you, and it can be easily cleaned up with a spell, anyway.”

Credence must hesitate a moment too long, because Newt adds, “Only if you want me there, of course. If it’d make you uncomfortable then just forget I said anything –”

“No!” Credence blurts out, louder than he means to. “I mean,” he tries again, more calmly, “I’d like it if you stayed with me. If you’re sure.” 

“I am,” Newt replies with a smile. “Now, how about you go get ready for bed and I’ll join you in, say, fifteen minutes or so?” 

* * *

What Credence hadn’t anticipated was how unreasonably nervous he’d be about this plan. His heart beats faster than it has any reason to as he gets ready for bed, and he’s shivery with nerves. It’s not because of his problem, or at least not entirely – this kind of intimacy (or any kind of intimacy, really) is all new to him. He’s glad Newt said fifteen minutes, or he thinks the waiting might kill him.

He does his best to look calm when Newt enters the room and joins him under the covers, but evidently he doesn’t succeed. “Surely you don’t sleep all stiff like that,” Newt says, his tone teasing, but he’s also smiling so Credence knows he doesn’t mean anything by it. “Come on, relax a bit,” he adds, while nudging Credence’s feet with his own so their ankles end up tangled together. Credence complies, and ends up on his side, facing Newt, their torsos not touching but close enough that Credence can feel Newt's body heat and listen to the quiet sounds of his breath.

Close enough that even when he closes his eyes he knows he’s not alone, so he gives into his exhaustion and lets himself drift off to sleep.

* * *

He wakes up to Newt gripping his shoulder and saying his name, sounding worried. He shakes off the last dregs of the nightmare and realizes that he’s wet, and he’s gotten Newt wet too. “Sorry,” he croaks out, his throat tight, and he can feel tears starting to prick at his eyes.

“It’s all right Credence, really,” Newt says, as he waves his wand and vanishes the mess. “See, all cleaned up.”

But it doesn’t get rid of Credence’s embarrassment, or the lingering fear from his nightmare. He can feel himself trembling, and to his horror a tear escapes and rolls down his face.

“Credence? Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean –”

“No, you’re,” _perfect_ , he thinks, “fine. I just –” He doesn’t know why he’s reacting like this; he’d wanted Newt here with him after all, but somehow everything’s a bit too much at the moment and he can’t make it stop.

“What can I do to help?” Newt asks. 

“Hold me?” Credence says without thinking, but before he can feel too self-conscious about it Newt’s lain back down and wrapped his arms around him.

It doesn’t fix everything immediately. But gradually, as Credence focuses on Newt’s fingers carding through his hair and the texture of Newt's pajama top against his cheek, his tears dry up and his shaking tapers off. Still, Newt stays where he is and continues to hold Credence close. “Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” he asks.

“I don’t remember the details,” Credence says. “I think I was back in the church for some of it, and in the subway platform, and –”

“And?” Newt presses gently.

“And where the smugglers held me hostage,” Credence admits. “Mostly I just remember feeling so alone.”

“I’m sorry you got kidnapped.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Credence says, more to deflect the conversation than because he really thinks that’s what Newt meant.

But he’s wrong, because Newt follows with, “Wasn’t it though?” 

“How was it your fault?” Credence asks, thoroughly nonplussed. Newt had only reluctantly let Credence come along in the first place, and, Credence was sure, had intentionally given him the least dangerous task possible. It was only sheer bad luck that the plan hadn’t worked.

“It wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t do dangerous things like confront smugglers.”

“Have you really been blaming yourself for this?” Credence says, still a bit incredulous. He pulls away from Newt a bit, and props himself up on his elbow so he can look at him more directly. “Look, if there’s one thing I know it’s that _life_ is dangerous. It’s dangerous in a lot of ways, and it’s not your fault for not being able to prevent all of them.” He searches for a comparison he thinks Newt might understand. “Mary Lou hurt Modesty sometimes, and I couldn’t stop it, but that doesn’t mean it was my fault.” He doesn’t always manage to believe this, but he’s getting better at it. “And it wasn’t your fault you couldn’t stop the smugglers from capturing me.

“Even when I was trapped – I can’t say I wasn’t scared, because I was. But I’ve been scared a lot, and this was the first time I knew someone was coming for me, had my back. And that – it makes _such_ a difference, Newt. I know I’ve been a bit of a mess since it happened, but I’ll be all right, I promise.” He debates whether to say the next sentence, because it’s hard to unlearn the lesson that caring about people is an exploitable weakness. But he needs Newt to understand that his influence on Credence’s life has been nothing but positive, so he soldiers on. “Because I’ve got you.”

Newt is quiet long enough that Credence starts to second-guess what he said, but then he says, “Thank you for saying that.”

“I said it because it’s true,” Credence responds, worrying that Newt thinks he was just trying to flatter him or something.

“I know,” Newt says, smiling. “I’m glad you like being with me. I like having you here.  Maybe it's selfish, but I don't want you to leave.”

Credence doesn’t say anything at first, because someone actually wanting him around is a new experience.  He lies back down next to Newt, this time with his head on Newt's shoulder.  "It's not selfish," Credence finally says, "because I want to stay here too."

"Then stay," Newt murmurs softly, wrapping an arm around Credence's back, and Credence falls back asleep to the sound of Newt's heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have any plans to continue this series, but then I said that last time, so who knows.


End file.
